Christian Testimony_______


I was raised an Episcopalian and attended church every single Sunday, as well as Sunday School from pre-school to 4th grade. I was in all the church plays and all that good stuff. I went to Christian school and I watched the Christian videos about the Bible stories, but I didn't understand that it was real. I thought it was just another story on TV I was watching. I had no real clue what things meant. All I knew was I was suppose to believe in this baby named Jesus or something bad would happen when I died.

In 5th grade I learned more of what it meant to be a Christian explained to me. It was at this point I learned that if you believed that Jesus was the Son of God, and that he gave up his life to die on a cross for your sins that you would have eternal life in heaven. So I went along. I did what the other kids were doing. I prayed the little prayer and accepted Jesus into my heart as my savior. But I still didn't get it.

I spent one more year at that Christian school, where I finally began to understand Christianity. Here's where my mom put a road stop in my faith... She decided that the Episcopal religion was no longer for us. We changed churchs and became Anglican Catholics.

For 7th grade I changed schools and attended another area Christian school. I found other kids there who were either strong in their faith or not sure what to believe. At that point, I was strong in my faith and I thought I knew what I was doing.

I became what I classified to be a "good Catholic", but ya know what? I wasn't. I didn't "buy into" a lot of what the Catholic church taught. To be honest, I still don't. But it really threw me off being in a Protestant school as a Catholic. At the time, St. Pete Catholic was not that great of a school and the only thing that it had going for it was the football team.

It was through a bout with depression and anorexia that I ended up at St. Pete Catholic my sophmore year. The fact was, I no longer fit with the Protestant school. I also had got my first job that summer, which was great for me.

My sophmore year started out horribly. But it got so much better. I loved being at SPCHS. I made a lot of friends. I learned that a lot of people felt the way I did about God at that time. My sophmore year I felt this about God: Yeah I believe in him, yeah he's good. Okay don't talk to me about it anymore cause I heard it all before.

Things appeared to be getting better to my mom and family, but they were actually getting much worse. MUCH worse. I started doing all kinds of things that I shouldn't do. I fell into some very bad habits. I felt like hek all the time, and I didn't care about anyone but myself.

About mid-way through that year I took notice of a guy I liked at work. When school ended, I knew he liked me. What he didn't know was, I was already in love with him. I thought he was the best and the funniest person in the world.

He asked me out, and we both fell in love with each other VERY quickly. A little later on in the relationship that summer, he told me he would be leaving to go to college 2 hours away. This completely devistated me. I never told him how much it hurt me that he was going to be leaving. I encouraged him to go and grow and have a good time in college, even though I really just wanted to make him stay.

He broke up with me about a month after he left for college. A break up that I encouraged. I did it because I was very sick at the time and I loved him so much I didn't want him to be hurt if something were to happen to me. So I knew how to make him angry and I did everything I could to make him ANGRY. Finally he broke up with me, and even though I instigated it, I felt like death. I felt like my world was ending and that no one could help me out. I had put all my love and faith in him, and I felt like he had let me down.

I remained depressed, I stopped eating almost entirely, and I completely lost my mind for a couple months. I came out of it around the beginning of Novemeber 2001, in most part because of some really great friends. My ex didn't talk to me for a long time until the beginning of December 2001. We became friends, but I was still madly in love with him. But I didn't tell him. I dated two other guys, and it wasn't the same. I was still misplacing my love and faith into men. More wrong decisions followed.

I came out of the depression gradually but I kept getting thrown back into it. My mom was constanly putting me down, and I kept trying to do things that weren't good for me.

At the beginning February, I was completely out of the depression, I felt good again. I was able to love myself. But I had pushed God out of my life again. He was nowhere to be seen. Then the week prior to Valentines day 2002, my ex brought up wanting to go out with me again. Of course, I wanted too. I confessed my love for him, and then on Valentines day he told me he wasn't interested anymore. Again I was devistated. I thought no one cared. God did. But I ignored him calling me back to him, cause I thought my ex was the only one who could love me the way I needed to be loved.

I started coming back to God shortly after. It was a long road, and by May 2002, I was almost there.

On August 16, 2002 I came back to God. I realized that the paths I was choosing were wrong. I realized how low and sleezy I had been acting. I just had never wanted to admit it. I also realized I was not meant to be a Catholic nor an Episcopalian. I was just a Christian, who wanted to live my life the way God wanted me to, always doing his will.

Again I got distracted, by all kinds of things. But then, I heard this song on the radio in early September 2002, and it brought me back again:

WHAT IF I STUMBLE by DC TALK

"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today
Is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips
Then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle.
That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."

Is this one for the people? Is this one for the Lord?
Or do I simply serenade for things I must afford?
You can jumble them together, my conflict still remains
Holiness is calling, in the midst of courting fame
Cause I see the trust in their eyes
Though the sky is falling
They need Your love in their lives
Compromise is calling

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You never turn in the heat of it all
What if I stumble, what if I fall?

Father please forgive me for I can not compose
The fear that lives within me
Or the rate at which it grows
If struggle has a purpose on the narrow road you've carved
Why do I dread my trespasses will leave a deadly scar
Do they see the fear in my eyes? Are they so revealing?
This time I cannot disguise all the doubt I'm feeling

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

What if I stumble?
Everyone's got to crawl when you know that
You're up against a wall, it's about to fall
Everyone's got to crawl when you know that

I hear You whispering my name [You say]
"My love for You will never change" [never change]

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You never turn in the heat of it all
What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You are my comfort, and my God
Is this one for the people, is this one for the Lord?


And so I was BACK ON DA JESUS TRACK. And I was happy to be on it! I was still living my life poorly though. I was still "doing bad things to have a good time."

And that brings us to today, the day I'm writing this. November 1st, 2002. The day I officially re-dedicated my life to Christ. Today I am official re-born. Chris Padgett from the Christian/Catholic band "Scarecrow and Tinmen" can be thanked for this. He really touched my heart.

This is one of the songs he sang for us, the one that REALLY got to me:

Crossroads by Scarecrow and Tinmen

Verse 1
I cannot make it on my own, I need someone to lean upon
Someone who is greater than myself, I'm so vulnerable
I'm needing to choose which way to turn
Someone to lean on
Someone to count on
And when I see you by my side,
With a love that will abide, you love it will abide

Chorus
We are standing at the crossroads, we've left the past behind
When we give our lives to Jesus Christ, the narrow road we'll find
And even though the way is hard, I've made up my mind
To walk with Him forever, and leave this world behind

Verse 2
I haven't won the race I'm in, but I'm not defeated
I know you're there to cheer me on, I'm so delighted
I'm needing to choose which way to turn
Someone to lean on
Someone to count on
And when I see you by my side,
With a love that will abide, your love it will abide

Chorus

I'm not defeated (repeat)
Chorus


Thanks for hearing me out and reading this. God bless you. And live everyday like its your last. Don't be afraid to be Christian. Don't be afraid to put your faith in God. God will never let you down. He is always there for you. Sometimes you just have to learn it the hard way like I did.

If you ever want to talk to me about your faith, or you just wanna have someone to talk to about your problems, feel free to AIM me @ AngelicSugarRush or email colouredpink@msn.com !


//last ambition